Twinkie Cupcake! Shared with lilbunny, 9/22/07 somecaféwhosenameIforgot butit'sneartotheyarnshopCloseKnit Ho-ho-kus, NJ |
Pumpkin Chocolate Chip "Muffin" made and shared with starbright oogi, 11/17/07 Philadelphia, PA |
Good penmanship will be rewarded. Handsomely.
But now I've got a pile of greens at home, and in the immortal words of Kara Janx from Project Runway 2 -- all I want to do is smoke it. Why, oh WHY, did I ask for kale when it probably takes cream, cheese, or soy sauce, or an ungodly combination of all three to make it edible for immature palates like mine?
I really do adore processed foods. I mean, making your own vegetable stock! WHO DOES THAT?
Well, maybe Elisa Jimenez from Project Runway 4.
1/2 cup shortening (unsalted butter)
1 cup white sugar (mostly organic; I would maybe use less sugar next time)
2 eggs
1/4 cup milk1 1/2 3/4 cups all-purpose buckwheat flour
3/4 cup almond meal (from Trader Joe)
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 cup raisins chocolate chips (half semi-sweet, half
milk chocolate)
1 2/3 cups quick cooking oats
DIRECTIONS:
1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).Grease Lay some foil over cookie sheets.
2. In a medium bowl, cream together the shortening and sugar until
smooth. Beat in the eggs one at a time, then stir in the milk. Combine
the flour, almond meal, baking soda, salt and cinnamon, gradually stir
into the creamed mixture. Add the raisins chocolate chips and
quick oats; mix until just combined. Drop by rounded spoonfuls onto
the prepared cookie sheet.
3. Bake for 8 to 10 12-15 minutes in the preheated
oven. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before
removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
Malarkey falls squarely in the (c) category. I am convinced, from his alternating between joyous, affable hype man and maniacal, perspirating, short-circuiting-waitron ... that our Malarkey (I will spare no opportunity to say/write "Malarkey"!) may be either a cokehead or speedfreak. Or both. This is not the first time I've had a crush on a nattily dressed perhaps-drug-addict (the first case being a young attorney who was allegedly a former coke addict, but who charmed me with a rico suave one-on-one title and survey tutorial - yes, you may take a moment to fan yourselves). Malarkey(!) can sculpt the most primordial of sea creatures into a high-end delight, but he'll also use the same skeelz to kill some innocent lipid-challenged senior citizens with deadly and verboten lobster broth.
But such is Malarkey's enthusiasm for the sea. It is one of the many qualities he shares with one of my other favorite TV personalities -- Spongebob Squarepants.
Both have names that are fun to say. | |||
Spongebob! | Malarkey! | ||
Both enjoy oceanic environs. | |||
Spongebob lives in a pineapple, under the sea. | Malarkey works at the Oceanaire Seafood Room (San Diego, CA, big ups to lilbunny), where diners are invited to enjoy the "sea of Ultra-Fresh fish". |
Both are extremely enthusiastic about their work, occasionally in a narcotically suspicious way. Please also note the similar eye color of sparkling ocean blue. | |
They take pride in creating meals from ground-up seafood substances. | |
Krabby Patty. | Seafood Sausage. |
They also take pride in dressing for special occasions. | |
He smuggled his suit in under his chef jacket! And look at that flower! | |
But the underside of enthusiasm is the crash-and-burn.... | |
"Spongebob is as optimistic and earnest as a sea-dwelling sponge gets, but he can't seem to avoid getting himself - and usually everyone else around him - into trouble. While trying too hard, he tends to do things wrong - really wrong - which usually spells disaster." -- Nickelodeon | "Running around in a flop sweat, his eyes rattling around in his skull like pachinko balls.... Brian cracked under pressure and "lost it" so completely that he, too, was lucky to not be tying up his knife roll at show's end." -- Anthony Bourdain |
I hope that doesn't give you nightmares!
All Spongebob Squarepants images, Nickelodeon. All Brian Malarkey images, Bravo.
OK well actually....kind of hot for that teal Quinn now. Damn.... She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck... I've always been fond of trapezoids. And the buckles on the Deborah straps? *melt*
[Interesting reading: this handy-dandy history and guide to avoiding fakes. ]
More recently, on a shopping jaunt with km, I fell hard for the Chloe Bay bags (below, below). Then I remembered I'd seen the Chloe Paddington (belooow, left) in Bazaar a couple of years ago and felt like it was another high-end bag I could covet in addition to the beloved Stella. And then after some fervent interweb trawling, I discovered the even more expensive Chloe Silverado (belooow, right) and Edith (not pictured) totes.
But these bags are all fantasies. Castles in the sky, with chunky hardware. Though I like to pick up a fashion mag or two from time to time, and though I knew that Mischa/Lindsay/Sienna/Nicole/Kate/Kate/Kate were the ones making these bags "it" -- I wasn't really burned out on them. And so I would think of them, constantly, and how shocking it would be if I actually did buy one, because one would cost more than the rest of what I was wearing, all together.
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you
Well what kind of straps do I hold onto me with? This week I tried to pin it down. I looked up a bunch of "mid-range" "independent" bag lines. I even looked through my backissues of Lucky(bastards) and used the damn "YES!" stickers. [sidebar: I still find it weird to say "bags". They're "purses". But it seems weird to say "purses" because these things are freaking huge. "Pocketbook" is practically Shakespearean - it's like "bodkin" or "varlet".]
As I told lilbunny today, a lot of the thrill in this for me is the sticker shock, and the potential exhilaration of buying something yoooooge like this. But also, it was kind of fun for me to think about what exactly the hell I wanted: to put aside all the Debbie Downer-ism of price and functionality, and think about aesthetics. Now it might seem to you that I do a lot of that -- but I really don't.... Or I guess I don't think about it systematically, so this was new to me. And now that I think of it... probably pretty boring to you. Er, sorry.
I knew I liked bold hardware and a generally rugged-yet-cute look (still talking bags and not boys here). I knew I wanted leather, and a tote, shopper, satchel, maaaaybe a hobo (again - bags, not boys) shape. From perusing various bag blogs and the entertainingly named BagBorrowOrSteal site, I tried to pick out the common denominators (without balking over the math).
I like (not all once):
• rectangular/trapezoidal shapes or slouchy versions thereof;
• pockets on the outside;
• wide, flat straps;
• contrasting topstitching;
• a sprinkling of studs or grommets;
• either glazed leather or the buttery soft super-matte kind;
• a color that's neither black nor brown (favoring grey, blue and yellow right now).
I can do without:
• fringe or lots of tassels;
• ruchingruchingruching;
• quilting or chain (ick);
• any shape that looks "organic" or bodily (ick ICK).
But anyway. Newfangled brands that I like so far:
Kooba. Gustto. Gerard Darel. SHIH by Stephanie Lin. Hayden Harnett. Tano. ANI. Gryson. Aleya NY. Rachel Nasvik. Frye (OK not so new!) Ananas. Tylie Malibu (could I really buy something named that, especially when it's all looking Laguna Beachy?)
I'm told these are the shiz, but I say "whatevs": Anna Corinna, Botkier, Rebecca Minkoff (though her colors are nice).
Bag lady
Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
Ooh, ooh
Girl you don't need it
I'd like to believe that.
Aging Cowgirl, I think you should definitely watch "Murder by Numbers" for another take on Ryan Gosling's scary/seductive quality. He does it so well.
But to tide you over until Netflix delivers it to you, here are scans of a recent article about him (sorry for the wrinkly pages):
Page 1
Page 2
And something I made especially for you, with something else Goslingy to follow soon:
[click for link to larger one you can download]
Lazy Sunday
The Best Gift Ever
Natalie Portman Raps
Andy's Excuse
And from a while back, randomly found on the internets somewhere:
Y'all, the dream is over! Let us remember them at their finest:
Britney Eats For Two (Radar Online)
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