Was "Shut Up and Dance" already taken?

Even so, I guess it would be a misnomer because these dancers don't stop talking. Still, "Step It Up and Dance" is the most annoyingly clunky title I've come across in my far and wide TV journeys. I mean... "Long Day's Journey Into Night" - clunky, but at least it's a play by a Nobel winner.

You all know I'm Bravo's bitch. Of course I watched this show. I mean, I even watched every episode of Make Me a Supermodel (Go, Holly! Doing it for the nasal gals everywhere!) I don't know what to say, I just don't. I think it's going to be AWESOME, that's what I'll say.


Having never watched a dance competition show aside from "Dance Crew" (or the Pussycat Monstrosities'), I was ready - ready for the outfits, the sadistic choreographers, all the dance terms I could fill my head with, and mostly - the outfits. OK, and tears, and flamboyance. Lots of flamboyance. Lemme tell ya - DID NOT DISAPPOINT.


Sartorially speaking, Dance Crew did it best for the funk/hip-hop crowd, PC Monstrosities for the hoochies, but SIU&D (disease, it reads like a disease) gives us variety.

(Common, The Dutchess, Eddie Vedder (seriously?))








OK and can we talk about Elizabeth Berkley? Can we? WHAT!? I know, right? And she's wearing "funky" hats and has crazy JessieSpanoOnSpeed eyes.

I don't think I can wait for the annual Racy in the New Year Movie Night to see Showgirls. HUNH! *ball-change* We might need a special Midsummer's Eve viewing.

(DJ SomethingIMissed but I'll call him Orlandino, Jessie!, Jamie King - renowned (allegedly) choreographer and guest judge)



Jamie King (center) with two minions. I'm sure their ages couldn't total 70 if they tried. Or maybe it's their truly sexcellent fashion sense that keeps them so youthful. Or perhaps the sweat and tears of virgin dancers?


(Z. Cavaricci, Members Only, Chess King)






Early favorites:
Janelle*, James, Mochi (Michelle). I'd like Miguel but he loves himself too damn much. Nick is tolerable, but he's our "I'm straaaaaaaaaaaaight!" Bravo contestant of the season.
(at left, Mochi, because she fierce - so far)

Please go home now:
Jessica, who was damned lucky to get a second chance for some mysterious reason** and joined the group safe from elimination. She ran off the stage during a group performance, people.



Who can also go home? The judge who told Miguel to be more masculine, and who told Janelle and Mochi to look less like angry men when they get intense on the flo'. Shut up, Judge-who-tours-with-Hannah-Montana.

And can I just say - who the f!!! edits this website? I know it's your newest and maybe least promising show, Bravettes, but damn... you have to misspell Antin AND saxophone?

ETA: NOBODY watched this? I feel pathetic. And alone.

*This is the most honest statement I have ever heard: "Currently Janelle is living in Hollywood, CA pursuing her goal of becoming 'known.'" YOU GO, GIRL. Too bad she looks like the oldest "18" year old I've ever seen, except for Li'l Mama. Like, seriously?

**Ahem, she's tall, blonde, and thin. She replaced Antonia, short, dark-haired, also thin but more muscular woman. Granted, they were both hella annoying and Antonia had crazy eyes. But at least Antonia's interviews could have provided some snark fodder, unlike Jessica who just cries. Plus Antonia has professional dance experience, unlike Jessica Dance Barbie whom we saw freak out numerous times in interviews. Too bad because Antonia was stepped off.

First pic: Mochi, with Jessica (ew) in background.
All images "courtesy" Bravo. No copyright infringement intended.