Summer TV

Now that Gossip Girl, Top Chef, Step It Up and Dance and Top Model are all over, what am I going to do with all the free time I have?!

Well Bravo will be ready with a fresh supply of sheartestants and sewtestants:

Shear Genius premieres Wednesday, June 25.
Project Runway 5 premieres July something. July 23?

I don't think I will be watching their Bachelorette rip-off starring their favorite dysfunctional couple Jo and Slade of The Real Ho(uswive)s of Orange County. OK, I am a little afraid I will end up watching this.

Other random competitive reality shows I'll be checking out:

America's Best Dance Crew 2: Premieres this Thursday! June 19, 10pm on MTV. If you missed it the first time, try to catch it this month! I think they made a mistake by choosing Jersey cheerleader wannabes over the Jersey Latina crew (who had the best name ever, Shhhh!), but the audition numbers proved the show will be well worth the watching. And dare I say, you know I love the Asian Americans on my teevee. There is a crew from Houston this time around! Big ups to the API Dirty Dirty South.

So You Think You Can Dance: Already in progress, Wednesday and Thursday nights, Fox. A longtime favorite of AgingCowgirl's, I have been looking forward to this since getting a little dance culture primer on Step It Up and Dance.

She's Got the Look: Already in progress, Wednesdays at 10pm on TVLand. It's like Top Model, only these women have been crazy for more decades. If I could, I would love to find a screenshot of the outfits some of these ladies have brought with them - especially the three piece black and white stretch lace pantsuit. Yes it is entirely lace, and the jacket is the long, duster kind.

Next Food Network Star: Already in progress, Sunday night on FoodNetwork (maybe 9pm). There's someone from India on it! Yeah, that makes me excited enough. I don't even know if the last winner has a show. I never seem to catch this one, though, or....

Design Star: Already in progress, Sunday night on HGTV (maybe 10pm). Yeah, I never manage to see this one either. Why don't they replay more often? Take notes from Bravo and even the CW! But take even more notes from ABC and MTV, and post the whole season online!

Legally Blonde: In progress, Monday 10pm on MTV. Trainwreck with my name on it. I don't know why the heck the movie/book/whatever needed to be a musical, but it is. I don't know why the heck they want to audition a crew of reality wannabes to be THE STAR(!) but they do. For some reason I really enjoy people wanting to believe in their inner Elle Woods, kind of like my sick enjoyment of people who wear "I'm a Carrie" tee shirts, referencing SATC, but also... Carrie.


Scripted TV in the summer! It doth exist! Behold:

The Middleman: Just premiered, Monday 9pm, ABC Family. I know, I know. ABC Family? But for real, they've got some interesting stuff going on. Kyle XY and Greek have been kinda of intriguing, but I haven't watched. But anyway - this show is a scifi monster-of-the-week kind of show, reminiscent of a mixture of Men in Black, MathNet from SquareOne TV, NBC's Chuck, and the CW's Reaper. The dialogue is quick'n'quirky, and rife with popcult droppings, not unlike our dearly departed Gilmore Girls.

Sadly, my lack of premium cable prevents me from checking out whatever new stuff David Simon has been cooking up for HBO, or Secret Diary of a Call Girl on Showtime.

Those are the things on my radar. I hope my renewed subscription to Entertainment Weekly will turn me on to some new things, or stuff I've missed.

Marry me!

I don't care what anyone says, he's my man, and I'll miss him.

You can probably tell why just by listening to him, even if you haven't watched the show.

Dale Talde: egotistical auteur of food (and film), former wannabe MC, and the angry chipmunk of this season's Top Chef.

they're baaaaaack!!!!

NKOTB baby...oh...don't pretend you don't know what that acronym stands for....

New Kids on the Block are officially coming back and going on tour! New songs but of course they'll be playing the hits we all loved and cherished.

While I never idolized any one of the "Kids" I did however play their biggest album to death on my walkman because i truly appreciated their musical talents.

off the market!

Was "Shut Up and Dance" already taken?

Even so, I guess it would be a misnomer because these dancers don't stop talking. Still, "Step It Up and Dance" is the most annoyingly clunky title I've come across in my far and wide TV journeys. I mean... "Long Day's Journey Into Night" - clunky, but at least it's a play by a Nobel winner.

You all know I'm Bravo's bitch. Of course I watched this show. I mean, I even watched every episode of Make Me a Supermodel (Go, Holly! Doing it for the nasal gals everywhere!) I don't know what to say, I just don't. I think it's going to be AWESOME, that's what I'll say.


Having never watched a dance competition show aside from "Dance Crew" (or the Pussycat Monstrosities'), I was ready - ready for the outfits, the sadistic choreographers, all the dance terms I could fill my head with, and mostly - the outfits. OK, and tears, and flamboyance. Lots of flamboyance. Lemme tell ya - DID NOT DISAPPOINT.


Sartorially speaking, Dance Crew did it best for the funk/hip-hop crowd, PC Monstrosities for the hoochies, but SIU&D (disease, it reads like a disease) gives us variety.

(Common, The Dutchess, Eddie Vedder (seriously?))








OK and can we talk about Elizabeth Berkley? Can we? WHAT!? I know, right? And she's wearing "funky" hats and has crazy JessieSpanoOnSpeed eyes.

I don't think I can wait for the annual Racy in the New Year Movie Night to see Showgirls. HUNH! *ball-change* We might need a special Midsummer's Eve viewing.

(DJ SomethingIMissed but I'll call him Orlandino, Jessie!, Jamie King - renowned (allegedly) choreographer and guest judge)



Jamie King (center) with two minions. I'm sure their ages couldn't total 70 if they tried. Or maybe it's their truly sexcellent fashion sense that keeps them so youthful. Or perhaps the sweat and tears of virgin dancers?


(Z. Cavaricci, Members Only, Chess King)






Early favorites:
Janelle*, James, Mochi (Michelle). I'd like Miguel but he loves himself too damn much. Nick is tolerable, but he's our "I'm straaaaaaaaaaaaight!" Bravo contestant of the season.
(at left, Mochi, because she fierce - so far)

Please go home now:
Jessica, who was damned lucky to get a second chance for some mysterious reason** and joined the group safe from elimination. She ran off the stage during a group performance, people.



Who can also go home? The judge who told Miguel to be more masculine, and who told Janelle and Mochi to look less like angry men when they get intense on the flo'. Shut up, Judge-who-tours-with-Hannah-Montana.

And can I just say - who the f!!! edits this website? I know it's your newest and maybe least promising show, Bravettes, but damn... you have to misspell Antin AND saxophone?

ETA: NOBODY watched this? I feel pathetic. And alone.

*This is the most honest statement I have ever heard: "Currently Janelle is living in Hollywood, CA pursuing her goal of becoming 'known.'" YOU GO, GIRL. Too bad she looks like the oldest "18" year old I've ever seen, except for Li'l Mama. Like, seriously?

**Ahem, she's tall, blonde, and thin. She replaced Antonia, short, dark-haired, also thin but more muscular woman. Granted, they were both hella annoying and Antonia had crazy eyes. But at least Antonia's interviews could have provided some snark fodder, unlike Jessica who just cries. Plus Antonia has professional dance experience, unlike Jessica Dance Barbie whom we saw freak out numerous times in interviews. Too bad because Antonia was stepped off.

First pic: Mochi, with Jessica (ew) in background.
All images "courtesy" Bravo. No copyright infringement intended.

Sometimes I Judge Books by Their Covers...

...and sometimes I get rewarded!

This book was rightfully displayed on top of the New Fiction shelf at my local library and I had to pick it up. You can see why:
(1) It's red!

(2) It's a drawing! (I love drawings. Way more than pretty much any other type of visual art.)

(3) It's a drawing of clothing (shoes, fabric and hair - used to be my favorite things to draw)

(4) Spare, hand-drawn type - it's a wonder I wasn't literally salivating.

(5) The style of the drawing and type reminded me instantly of the book Harriet the Spy.

(6) "Files" in the title immediately word-associated it with another children's classic: From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler.


It has a title - The Spellman Files ... and an author - Lisa Lutz.

Did the innards live up to those classics? Well, I read it in three days. That should tell you something. It certainly delivered on the wacky family and playful mystery promises, and it gave me more: a street-smart, funny, vulnerable and not-always-lovable female protagonist/narrator; her wacky family that runs a private investigation firm; a mix of hilarity and non-sappy poignant moments; and a non-traditional storytelling structure (see also: Thursday Next books by Jasper Fforde). It's a perfect book for someone who is still missing her Veronica Mars.

In fact, the only two flaws for me were (1) too much similarity to a specific Veronica Mars plotline; and (2) the occasional car-tailing descriptions that are two sentences too long.

ETA:
(1) One more minus: too many fonts are used, and the header fonts are terrible (grungy 1990s style).

(2) One more plus: the body text font RULES. The beauty of it is usually enough to distract me from (1).

I've heard it's been optioned for a movie - not surprising at all. I hope the film version can live up to the book! I am reading the sequel now, just as addictive, but which depends a little too much on wacky structure, leaving me with a gimmicky aftertaste.

Here's a brief plot summary and interview with the author. The author's website gives too much away regarding the plot, so if you want to read the book, I wouldn't read the description there. I would, though, recommend reading this piece by that author: one of the TRUEST things I've read recently, Please Stop Talking, I Have to Use the Bathroom.


cover image courtesy: The Innernetz...and Simon & Schuster
no copyright infringement intended

Slab of Heaven

That was not one of those teeny tiny dessert plates, I kid you not.

Happy Birthday, Ponyboy! We all hope you had all the cake you could ever want to eat. And more!

JAZZ HANDS

Allow me to re-introduce myself....
How funny was it that I was convinced newly anointed NY Governor David Paterson used this Jay-Z line in his inaugural speech or whatever earlier this week? I'd like to think he was referencing "Public Service Announcement" (one of my favoritest songs ever) or Dave Chappelle, when he used the line in a skit.

I haven't been here for three months. Actually... two months and three weeks? So I just caught up, and I did comment on every post I'd missed during that time. I really did!

I have not really been myself for the past three months. Maybe even for the last six months. I don't know if it's the surgery, the cancer, my crappy job, the writer's strike, The Wire ending, or certain other things coming to an end, or what exactly. I don't really enjoy the same things I used to and I'm not sure I entirely enjoy new things I've taken up.

BUT there are some things that inject the heart with a mega-syringe full of undeniable joy. My latest something, discovered a couple of weekends ago, is America's Best Dance Crew. This one is ending pretty soon too - maybe tonight, actually. That's why you should watch it.

Now I've never watched a dance (or singing) reality show the whole way through. Well... ok, but the Pussycat Dolls' shows don't count because they're "singing" and "dancing". But Dance Crew, created by Randy Jackson whom I've tended to like in the few minutes of Idol that I've watched, is really entertainingly put together, and set to music that I might actually listen to, voluntarily.

All the episodes are available here. I would recommend Episodes 3, 5, and 6. The top two groups (in my opinion) are Jabbawockeez and Kaba Modern - both repping hard for the SoCal Asian Americans (big ups to CTOWNGAL!) All the groups I've seen are pretty creative but these two are fricking awesome.


Kaba Modern: The flyest fashion, and the coolest unexpected isolation moves and hand motions.






Jabbawockeez: Yep, they always wear those masks, and they work it. it's a little spooky, but they have the best sense of humor that translates well into the dancing.

Honorable mentions: Fysh'n'Chicks, BRKSK8 for being on skates or however you spell it.









Why else?

JC Chasez, getting his Simon Cowell on, tries very hard not to break a smile, and ends up looking like a constipated bitchy queen. He saves his warmth for Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious, apparently.







Li'l Mama, of "My Lip Gloss is Poppin'" "fame", delivers the most serious, heartfelt and entertaining-in-itself, but not like Simon or Paula criticism. She may look 40 to me, but she is only 19 or something. She sounds like a hip-hop Debbie Allen. Damn. I would kill to sound like a hip-hop Debbie Allen.





I have also decided that I may partake in this whole bandana trend. I think I also need a sweatband and matching wristbands for the gym. I am sure we can start a whole discussion on dance fashion once Bravo's oddly named and oddly hosted (Elizabeth Berkley?) show Step It Up and DANCE premieres.