Malarkey!

I am pretty stressed out right now by many things, one being the fact that Blogger has a vendetta against my HTML (sincere apologies for the spacing f'ups on this one), but that doesn't mean that I can't enjoy the simple pleasures of life, especially those that Bravo offers -- namely, my first reality show crush of the season, Brian Malarkey(!), of Top Chef 3:

I've found that I tend to crush on men who are either (a) arrogantly snarky, (b) scary lonerish types, or my latest favorite (c) brilliant but self-destructive -- or some droolicious combination of any of the above.

Malarkey falls squarely in the (c) category. I am convinced, from his alternating between joyous, affable hype man and maniacal, perspirating, short-circuiting-waitron ... that our Malarkey (I will spare no opportunity to say/write "Malarkey"!) may be either a cokehead or speedfreak. Or both. This is not the first time I've had a crush on a nattily dressed perhaps-drug-addict (the first case being a young attorney who was allegedly a former coke addict, but who charmed me with a rico suave one-on-one title and survey tutorial - yes, you may take a moment to fan yourselves). Malarkey(!) can sculpt the most primordial of sea creatures into a high-end delight, but he'll also use the same skeelz to kill some innocent lipid-challenged senior citizens with deadly and verboten lobster broth.

But such is Malarkey's enthusiasm for the sea. It is one of the many qualities he shares with one of my other favorite TV personalities -- Spongebob Squarepants.

Both have names that are fun to say.
Spongebob!	Malarkey!
Both enjoy oceanic environs.
Spongebob lives in a pineapple, under the sea.	Malarkey works at the Oceanaire Seafood Room (San Diego, CA, big ups to lilbunny), where diners are invited to enjoy the "sea of Ultra-Fresh fish".

Both are extremely enthusiastic about their work, occasionally in a narcotically suspicious way. Please also note the similar eye color of sparkling ocean blue.
They take pride in creating meals from ground-up seafood substances.
Krabby Patty.	Seafood Sausage.
They also take pride in dressing for special occasions.
	He smuggled his suit in under his chef jacket! And look at that flower!
But the underside of enthusiasm is the crash-and-burn....
"Spongebob is as optimistic and earnest as a sea-dwelling sponge gets, but he can't seem to avoid getting himself - and usually everyone else around him - into trouble. While trying too hard, he tends to do things wrong - really wrong - which usually spells disaster." -- Nickelodeon	"Running around in a flop sweat, his eyes rattling around in his skull like pachinko balls.... Brian cracked under pressure and "lost it" so completely that he, too, was lucky to not be tying up his knife roll at show's end." -- Anthony Bourdain

I really hope Malarkey(!) succeeds with Restaurant April tonight. I will be in tears and in need of consolation if he is booted.

ETA: I am sad to report that LL Cool Tre was the one eliminated in this past week's show. He was my pick for the winner, but I'm sure he'll do amazingly well for himself in the real-restaurant world.

I hope that doesn't give you nightmares!

All Spongebob Squarepants images, Nickelodeon. All Brian Malarkey images, Bravo.